Dying Dog

While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption: for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage. 20For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning. 21For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them. 22But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire.
2 Peter 2:19-22

Often I have read this verse and wondered if this meant that backsliders have no hope. If we accept this notion then we limit the grace of God and His power to redeem the vilest of sinners. We would have to view David and Peter as irredeemable.

For the backslider the question may haunt them, “can God truly restore me”? For the backslider who is seeking repentance and restoration with the Lord the slightest infraction can plunge them into an abyss of guilt and shame that seems inescapable. Too often the backslider may just give up. This is an indication they are trusting in their own works and not the Lords mercy and grace. Don't give up. Keep pursuing the Lord. Many times during my 20 years of wilderness wanderings in sin I sought the Lord only to stumble in despair and resign myself to the bondage of sin. Yet, the Holy Spirit kept wooing my soul and never gave up on me. My latter life of sin was truly worse than the first. Not until I literally left family and friends, entering into a desert of solitude,seeking God, did I eventually find restoration with God. It took a radical decision on my part but even in my backslidden state God was giving grace. When God saved me in 1980 at the age of 19 I did not have many years of sin and sinful habits to contend with. Salvation at such a young age is a wonderful thing because it can spare the Christian of so much pain and turmoil years down the road. When I backslid I developed 20 years of sinful habits and behaviors making the latter far worse to overcome than the first. And its here where the nature of man fails and the empowering of the indwelling Holy Spirit prevails. We cannot overcome sinful habits and behaviors in our own strength. It takes the cross of Christ to deliver us from the penalty and power of sin.

The backslider may struggle with sin and fight temptation but only when we surrender to the Holy Spirit on a daily basis is there victory in our lives. The victory is the Lord's, not ours. We are simply the recipients of God's gracious reward. When Christ said to forgive your brother 70 x 7 how much more patient is God with us, backslider? Should we sin that the grace of God may abound? God forbid. People use that 70 X 7 as a license to sin. They practice lawlessness and that's not what I'm suggesting here. Paul said, “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling”. God desires us to pursue holiness. When we have done all that we can and come to the end of ourselves then we will trust in His grace to restore us.

Yesterday I found myself entertaining lustful thoughts of past memories. I became deeply disturbed and troubled under the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Even the waitress at the pizza shop where I frequently dine asked if I was OK saying I looked very down in my spirit. I began to question, “Lord, have I not truly been in fellowship with you”? “Is my relationship with you not real but just a form of ritual I'm going through. Please show me Lord that I am not controlled by my old desires and passions.”

Last night I had a dream. In the dream were people I worked with back in the mid to late 90's when I was at the height of my willful debauchery. Suddenly a beautiful mixed breed border collie appeared in the dream. The dog vomited. I inspected the vomit and discovered he ate something I had made the day before. In the dream ,the day before I was in Florida. In reality when I left family and friends to get my life right with God I moved to Florida in 2008. In the dream I was concerned that what the dog ate may be killing him. The dog looked horrible. Moping along with drool coming out of its mouth and laying down with a whine. The dog was dying. I did not give the dog the food he ate though it was something I made. My dreams are really strange and usually don't amount to anything but are the result of eating spicy food too late in the evening. This dream appeared significant. In the dream the dog did not return to his vomit and the dog was dying.

The vomit is sin and the dog is the carnal nature. God answered my prayer to show me that what I am doing is not behavioral but spiritual. When I first heard the gospel in 1980 it was a dramatic Damascus road experience for me. God saved me and put His love in my heart instantly. God's reclamation of me from my backsliding has been a different process. There have been times that God has witnessed to me in a clear and scriptural manner such as this dream. Twenty years of habits and thought patterns may not be swept away in an instant. Remember, Paul spent 3 years in the desert immediately after his conversion. He probably wrestled with his Pharisaic ideas until he was able to define his doctrinal positions. His theology in the book of Romans was not formulated overnight. He may have also wrestled with guilt from murdering Christians. People who have been brainwashed by cults often need to go through a period of deprogramming to correct their thinking about life in general. So the sinner may need significant time for their minds to be cleansed by God's word.

In spite of my sinful thoughts yesterday my time with the Lord has been very real and very sweet lately. The more time I spend in communion with the Lord the sweeter He grows to me. God assured me in my soul that the devil took advantage of a weak moment and I am not returning to the vomit and the old dog is dying, Hallelujah! Backslider, our hope is in Christ not in our behavior.

Backslider, what is keeping you from returning to Jesus Christ? You may need to make a radical decision for Christ. Perhaps there is some activity that has become your god. It could be hunting, fishing, sports or cars. Oh that men had as much passion for Christ as they do for their sports teams. We could have a third great awakening. What consumes your time? Maybe you have friends or associates who drag you down into sinful behaviors. Getting rid of these things will not make you holy. Turning to Christ and leaving anything that may hinder you from Christ will lead you on to holiness in Christ. Holiness is being set apart, separated unto God. Only Christ can make you holy but there must be some desire in your heart for this to happen. There is no temptation that comes upon you that is not common to man but God will make a way for you to escape. That way is the cross. Die out to sin and self. Put that carnal dog to death and let Christ arise in your heart.